The toilet moments with Yasmin Ahmad.

Upon Yasmin Ahmad's death, a friend asked me: "Do you like your ex-boss?"

I didn't answer her directly whether it's a 'yes' or 'no'. Technically speaking, being an ECD, of course Yasmin was my boss, but I've never worked with her once. Her room was like at the east, my desk was at the west. I bet she didn't even know my name, for a small staff like me. My memories of her during my 3 and a half years in Leo Burnett, mostly in the lobby and very often, I bumped into her in the toilet.

She was very proud of her multilingual talent i guess, whenever she sees a chinese staff in the morning she would greet in Mandarin, she said to me: "小姐早安." Which means: "Good morning missy." Then if there's a cleaner or tea lady nearby, she would greet them in BM and cracked some jokes which I don't understand due to my poor BM standard. She was very loud, talked and laughed loudly. Sometimes when we met each other in the corridor she would speak to me in Mandarin, her pronunciation was not perfect so I would tease her: "Eh your Mandarin sucks la..." She fought back: "Your BM sucks also what???" She likes to sing a line or two when she walked in the office. She just do whatever things in her own way, in a word, she didn't give a fuck lah.

Many times I saw her washing her feet in the toilet basin. I pushed open the toilet door, saw her leg lifted damn high and sinked into the basin. Then she would said something cheekily like: "Hehehe, solli ah.", or " Ballet lessons!", or she just look at me with a smile and continue singing her drama tune: "La~la~la".

She was a funny person in the toilet, the funniest was when I sat next to the cubicle when we both peed at the same time, (i think out of her boredom) she asked me in Cantonese: "Eh, nei o liu ah?" Means "Eh, u passing urine ah?" I would just layan her and said: "Yalah..." Many times she asked the same question so one day I got fed up I said: "O si ah!" (means shitting ah!) Her response was: "Yer!" Hahahaha...

Not only talking rubbish in the toilet, when she heard a loud running water in next cubicle, she would ask: "Eh mandi ke?"

When she smelled something 'funny', she asked: "Eh baru makan petai ke?"

All sorts of embarrassing but funny questions would make the toilet break into laughters.

Honestly, I was never her fan, of course her works is splendid but put asides all her highly accredited works and fame, I only know Yasmin Ahmad as a friendly, down to earth and funny person, a real person you see everyday, in a plain aunty-like baju kurung, even she is the damn famous Yasmin Ahmad.

So, go back to my friend's question: "Do you like your ex-boss?"

Now I think I do.

because i know you'll come here to read sometimes, so i hide away from you.

'us' sort of started from this blog, we used to express our feelings in here.

now we've ended, this little corner should go back to how it was, when it was a little corner for just myself, and my stories.

without you.

is it just my dream or it reflects the reality?

i dreamt of you last night. you look different. the t-shirt you wear makes you looks hilarious as it's obvious you try so hard to look young in it. as i take a step closer and look at your face, you look like Pinochio. your nose turns longer after each sentence you spoke to me.

i woke up this morning and thought this is really a weird dream. when i took my bath, suddenly your cousin's visit, the pad lock, the keys, the reasons, and the security access card, seem like the sentences you spoke to me in the dream...

everyone gossips. who doesn't?

but for those who cross the border, even until the extend of spreading stories, i would really want to tell you: fuck off from my life. just while i carry on my life with much struggles, i don't need these busy bodies to remind me of those ugly stories. so shut the fuck up and don't feed me anymore of those shits.

我以為。

當你和一個人相對相處了一段時間，兩人的生活點滴必潜移默运，融入對方。

每天起床，我的床鋪會收拾成像你那，不是因為我太想你，而是那已成為兩年來的生活習慣。被單的顏色一定是白色。床邊留一盞燈。。。

有一次我在廚房找胡椒粉，心裡很肯定那瓶子的形狀和標籤，但卻找也找不着。幾天後在冰箱上那麼當眼的地方看見了它，才發現之前在心裡的那一瓶，其實是在你家的廚房。

每一天到了某些時刻，我會以為電話響了，或者佷想撥你的號碼，但又發覺那已經是過去的事了，就把拿在手上的電話放下。

花園的九重葛越長越高了，我為它修剪的時候，心裡想著當初跟你說我想像中的花園，長著白色花的九重葛彎成一弓月似的，圍繞著白色的木欄和門。你說那一定會佷漂亮。現在已慢慢成形了，可你不在了。

就是這樣到處都是你的影子。現在我在想，是我們互相融入了對方，還是，我沉淪於你。。。

space • distance

i love you for who you are,
and i love you for who you want to be.

you said you lost yourself in your previous marriage,
so i give you freedom in things you do and never interfere your social cycle.

we shared our dreams in our chat,
i told you i'll always be there to support you despite of our differences.

i thought i have given you enough space that you need,
but i didn't know it has created a invisible distance between us.

a spontaneous weekend spent in singapore...

uploaded @ hello singapore! long time no see...

me, and lil' sofea. i must admit i love this pic a lot.