or is it love?

a blemished face;
a body passed its best shape in youth;
hides invisibly behind the passionate sights.
did we not really see it?
or we see something beyond it?

lines around the eyes;
cellulites on the thighs;
all ironed flat by the gentle touch.
did we not really feel it?
or we feel something beyond it?

or,

is it love...

phew~ wat a task!

finally, the entry for bangkok trip is done @ Bangkok, am i absent-minded this time?

thing tht a thief can't steal...

"the thief left it behind - the moon at the window"

to the storyteller: i hope u don mind tht i borrowed ur pic without ur permission.

i was reading the storyteller's latest blog entry, then i remember you mentioned that to me once. i didnt catch it then, but tonight, when i read the line, with the picture showing at above... i guess the thief jus hav no choice... sometimes there are things even the wisest thief could never steal. for example, a moment. then i wanna tell you this:

u say i rob you with nothing left
but deep down in you, there's stil something
that i cant take, and i cant move
that's the feeling in you

i can only feel it
in the way you feel
i can only see it
from they way you show me

but again
that's the thing
that i cant take, and i cant move
that's the emotion in you

foreword to my trip

travelling in one place, mind splitted in two,
1,2,3, i gotta stop thinking of you...

everywhere i go, i thought i saw a familiar shadow,
i turned my head, it was as if a dejavu,

i missed my station, when i was looking for you in my memory,
4,5,6, i think am getting down with a flu...

travelling in one place,
mind splitted in two...

the art of a killing scene

there r many ways of getting someone killed, i mean, doin the killing scenes, in the movies.

i like to see killing scenes done without showing the blood first, like this: u hear the sound effect - swoop! the weapon cut into one's flesh, solid and deep. then a close-up shot on the victim's facial expression, so painful, the body has totally lost it strength, so helpless, that he cud not touch the wound as it'll trigger more pain, so destructive tht a single move wil provoke the death sooner... the killer approached the pale-looking victim n offer him a ciggie. the victim inhaled long and deep, releasing his greatest pain in this little joy, the next thing he knows, his wound was crushed open underneath the killer's heel. the heel has gone all the way into the wound. she twisted the heel left and right, getting it deeper, as if she wanna feel the ground through his flesh n bones...

she cleaned the heel with a white cotton handkerchief, with her name embroidered in lilac colored thread. oh no, she saw a tiny drop of blood stained her white skirt, she mumbled some words tht cud not be clearly heard, frowned and walked away.

the angry chapter is soon to finish...

but, there r stil some traces left behind which can trigger my temper any second. i feel so up-tight, so tensed, as if u pull one single hair of mine n next thing u know, u'll be in a pool of blood, dead without knowing a clue wat hav u done wrong.

i woke up at nights and saw myself in frown in d mirror. i can be tht angry even in my sleep. i kicked the comforter when i woke up. i threw the pillow.

the weather turns dark, i do cheer up a bit by now. i chilled a bit during lunch hr. if it's not the phone calls from the office this morning, i cud be whistling in this cloudy day oredi... i hate to start my day with phone ringing non-stop.

another few hrs to kill to end another miserable day. til now i havent tasted blood. where r my victims? am tapping my feet, waiting impatiently...

self destruction

nothing could ever please me n cheer me up today. i've been waiting to kill patiently but my preys are jus not in my way today. they possibly smell me from miles away. and hide. lacking blood between my teeth makes me even more agitated...

wat's wrong with me today? everything seems wrong. wrong. the sun is too bright. sky too blue. grass too green. office too cold. stomach too full. the fucking car stil has the problem. the client stil that stupid.

chill. chill. chill. shit.

relax. relax. relax. fuck.

take it easy. take it easy. bullshit.

i guess i've been too happy lately. am not supposed to be a happy person, am a weird and sad person. now am losing control and i suddenly lose d focus in my own life. wat the hell am i doin? where is myself? y am i so happy? then wat's next? wat if i spend my hapiness too fast and i hav to suck up all the sorrows for the rest of my life... i need some tragic moment. think. think. i can do it. jus think, i can be tragic.

shoot me right at the middle of my forehead. the bullet shall crash my skull and leaving a burn mark at the front, and a huge bloody wet hole at the back. the head is lighter now, the brain is smashed. tht's d thing tht keep the head heavy, tht's where it stores all the problems n puzzles. now they r all gone, all over the floor, together with the brain and blood.

i shud be dead for today. or as long as i wanna be.

kuala lumpur, am back.

am back, from the shopping lala land... straight away burying myself into d work, i havent found time to write about my bangkok trip and put it up in my travel blog. but t.g.i.f, i shall be able to get it done over d weekend. again, it feels good to be home, and to be awaited for...