Ironic - Alanis Morissette

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
Its a black fly in your chardonnay
Its a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isnt it ironic... dont you think?

Its like rain on your wedding day
Its a free ride when youve already paid
Its the good advice that you just didnt take
Who wouldve thought... it figures

Mr. play it safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isnt this nice...
And isnt it ironic... dont you think?

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everythings okay and everythings going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everythings gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when youre already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
Its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
Its meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isnt it ironic... dont you think?
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

a housewife - the escaped artist cant be.

the only moment when am thinking of marrying to a man who can take care of me, shower me with tender love, gives me a home, feed me well, is the moment when am fed up about my work. i guess this happens to omos every single working woman. no matter how tough an iron lady we can be in the office, deep down in us we jus want a place where we can retreat n hide from the storms in d corporate world.

during my leave i did the laundry i cleaned the house i cleaned the garden i bathed the pets n i cooked 3 meals a day happily. i did these with no complains becos i know it's not a long term thingy. even it's a long term thingy but i hav to do something else for my own at home. something tht generates income. having the thought of relying ur live solely on someone's income oredi freak me enough. it's the sense of insecurity about myself. one will lose his surviving skills after being in the comfort zone for too long, n i definately do not wanna be tht 'one'.

monday i had a bad day, i wanna be a housewife for tuesday wednesday thursday... till my mood is up and ready to rumble, i wanna go back to my work on next friday n leave my housewife life behind.

but in reality it doesnt work tht way, how can i be a housewife if i cant even accept being married in the first place? i know the answer deep down in me. i will never be a housewife, becos i don believe in marriage at all.

sad me.

why not...

why not we dance naked under the full moon,
and lie down on the grass when we are finally exhausted.

why not we hold our hands and twirl, and twirl,
till we are drown in dizziness and laugh about our silliness.

why not we just do nothing but staring at each other,
and tear a big grin on our face for this plain pleasure.

why not we count the wrinkles on our face today,
and be thankful for the years we spend together.

why not we hug each other tight every morning,
and feel the heart beating for each other.

why not we tie the knot,
and live happily ever after.

18 days in heaven.

the past 18 days is the longest leave i've ever taken in my working life. i had tears i had fun, n i had loads of food stuffed up altogether 3kg in me. shit.

6/11/06 : monday

i wish tomorrow never comes. i wish tomorrow never comes. i wish tomorrow never comes.

5/11/06 : sunday

i bathed all d dogs today. i cleaned up d dried plants piled up in d garden. i mopped d floor in d kitchen. i played computer games. i flipped some recipes books. another 2 days my life wil be doomed again...

4/11/06 : saturday

when the old newspaper-collector's truck passed by around noon time, the dogs howled as if seeing ghost. n tht's d time i knew i need to leave the bed. i suddenly craved for donuts n birthday cake. i know cake is cake but when u r eating a birthday cake with some greeting written on top, the feeling is different. i can buy a birthday cake now but i have no one to share it with... same date next year, i hope u'll blow d candle with me, happy birthday.

3/11/06 : friday

puppy is weak today. she shitted n messed up herself in the litter tray. i was so sad when i saw her lying hopelessly inside the tray, couldnt even get herself out of the mess... i washed her n my heart was bleeding.

2/11/06 : thursday

i really cant recall wat did i do today. i think real hard n i could only squeeze these things out from my drained brain - eat, sleep n window shopping, or the fact is, tht's really all i did for today.

1/11/06 : wednesday

i received a call from my second elder sister, saying tht my eldest sister n brother in-law came back from the states. i havent met my brother in-law for omos 20 years. i don feel too keen to meet them. 20 years, i think sometimes even flesh n blood get washed out by times n the distance of the grand pacific ocean.

31/10/06 : tuesday

life come back to the hustle bustle in the city. puppy moved in to her new house. she seemed settling herself quite well here. pace in everyday life was stil slow since am stil on leave. most of the time i was lazying around the house, watching tv n cooking. of cos it cant be compared to the life in tioman, but it's omos paradise to me...

30/10/06 : monday

we couldnt hide the sadness during the last morning here. it's like in heaven where u wake up to the panaromic oceanic view everyday, the sound of birds chirpping seemed to be our alarm clock in d morning. we often spent time watching the rain coming to us from the far away mountain n breathing the fresh air here, even the skin can feel the moist goin into the pores n rejuvenate every veins in the body.

every night we fell asleep to the serenade of the tide washing the shore, n whistling of the wind thru the leaves. life was too good to be true here. it seemed we had a lot of things done here but at the same time we seemed doin nothing at all, it's the freedom of mind. til we hav the luxury of time to be here again, tioman, my first visit here, wil be my memorable island experience.

29/10/06 : sunday

it's close to the monsoon season, it rained every morning. we sat at the balcony n day dreaming there, talking rubbish n often stared at the the mountain which turned omos invisible in the rain...

by the sun came out we were in the fishing game again. we climbed to the big rock by the sea, hoping to catch some big fish from there. i was thrilled by the view up there, n the big sunset right in front of me. we caught a big swordfish n happily brought it to the restaurant. tho it's didnt turn out to be a real tasty dish, but the feeling of eating ur own catch is satisfying n with much triumph filled in our stomach.

28/10/06 : saturday

the best vacation is a vacation without itinerary. we slept until we felt like waking up. we went for my very first fishing experience after breakfast. we spent omos one whole day at the jetty n we didnt hav much luck, but i caught 3 little fishes - first a dory, then a parrot fish, last an unknown black fish. they were too small for dinner, we gav them to the cat. later in the day when the other one were snorkeling out there, i was looking for some dead coral with funny shapes on the shore. time passed by like sand slipping thru our fingers, our second day ended soon after the dinner...

27/10/06 : friday

if it weren't the speedboat, the journey to tioman island was omos perfect. by the time we reached the island, we were totally swept away by the mother nature - the blue sky, the clear sea, the lushes of green, and the chalet with an oceanic view.

we stayed at bamboo hill, a resort even with no star rating or whatsoever, but there r something here tht money cant buy - the feel of home. the set up in bamboo hill is modest but every corner of the chalet is thoughtful for the guests. it has only 2 chalets n 4 rooms, all scattered away from each other, providing u maximum privacy n quiet time of ur own. other than tht they r all surrounded by trees n flowery plants, fresh air become something so precious to us here cos it's rare in d city. we took a nap n woke up for a fantastic dinner. wat a long nap, i know.

26/10/06 : thursday

at last i feel my feet touch the ground the moment i saw the face. even at this stage where we r now, i stil feel my heart is racing when i look into the eyes...

25/10/06 : wednesday

all work no play makes jack a dull boy, all play no work? makes me realise life is jus like a game. games r about the moves u make which decides ur victory or loss. sometimes in order to march forward, u need to retreat; in order to earn more points, u need to sacrifice some u hav in hand. amazingly i find the same theory applies to many things in our life - work, business, n relationships. tho am hooked to a kiddish game during my long leave but my brain is stil open for some philosophy thoughts. this is the result after many years being a person who thinks too much n talk cock all the time.

24/10/06 : tuesday

puppy's home, stil weak but at least she is moving. jus few days ago i thought she wil be paralysed n gone. dr. hasnul advised tht she has to be caged for life. it's not the first time i heard him saying tht, i jus couldnt do it but this time i hav no choice. this is the second time she collapsed for her discomfort caused by the peritoneopericardial diaphragmatic hernia, jus like the medical term, it is complicated.

23/10/06 : monday

i went to the place. even being alone there but seeing his things lying around, i feel home. i visited my parents later in d afternoon. i fed my pa his favourite whipped potatoes, i could tell he was happy then. puppy was stil staying at the clinic for further observation. when all the pets were fed n fell asleep at the wee hours, i was staring the ceiling n these lines came to me...

"if i were a bird, you would be my legs. without you i could only fly knowing nowhere to stop. you r my strength to hold me down and let me fly with a destination - to your heart, and rest there forever."

goodnite, sweet dream.

22/10/06 : sunday

puppy was put on drips n her time is not up yet. if she dies i wud never forgive myself. i made a promise tht she wil never left alone n unattended anymore. she is old, she deserves some more good years n i wil do as best as i can. i cleaned the house, keeping myself occupied. at night when i settled myself in bed, the loneliness swept over and i was swallowen by the emptiness.

"if i could be anything i would be your tear, so i could be born in your eye, live down your cheek and die on your lips"

this is one of the reason i couldnt get over u...

21/10/06 : saturday

i thought am gonna lose puppy. i was calm in the morning. i thought mayb i have become immune to departing with the pets since i have seen them died in front of me before. then i started to feel guilty, does it mean i love puppy less? or now i jus focus on something else tht i don care about them as much as before? i cant help but having the sense of sin wash all over me. after my bath i saw puppy lying omos breathless on the sofa, my face with all tears running like river overflown. she was rushed to the vet immediately. i was all prepared to put her to sleep, thinking of tht, the tears washed the face again. the journey was quiet. we hav issues we need to deal with separately, our mind was occupied by different subjects. the weekend plan changed n separation came earlier than expected.

20/10/06 : friday

once again am defeated by myself. it is more difficult than i imagined. i thought i could. things go back to how it was, but i doubt if it leaves a scar? or all these fights lead to more understandings n bring us closer? i donno, i know if the same fight happens again n again. we will lose the things we have now.

19/10/06 : thursday

today is the last working day before the festive break n my long leave begins. it's supposed to be a good evening ahead but the day ended in a terrible fight. am fighting with myself, a struggle between two places, n fighting for more time to spend with the ones i love. am mentally, physically n emotionally torn apart. the night seemed longer than usual...