new vocabularies i learnt

despite of omos drown in the burger-norm-boredom, i learn some new words from time to time, after the 'cohesion', which is quite a strong word to describe our work, today i came across this word: 'squalid'.

it is written in the job req: " to hav squalidly line for...." i was puzzled, so i asked my copywriter, she was puzzled too, later we found the meaning of 'squalid' as:

squal.id
adj.

1. Dirty and wretched, as from poverty or lack of care. See Synonyms at dirty.
2. Morally repulsive; sordid: “the squalid atmosphere of intrigue, betrayal, and counterbetrayal” (W. Bruce Lincoln).

squal'id.ly adv.
squal'id.ness or squa.lid'i.ty n.

pls excuse my poor pool of vocabularies in mind, but tht sentence in the job req really got me thinking hard...

sleepless night

another sleepless night. i read til 3 something in the morning, stil no sign of tiredness. after playing with my handphone camera, i went downstairs to play with the cats. they were all awake, one thing i really envy bout cats, they can stay the whole night up n not worrying a bit of it, cos they don need to work. when the morning comes, they jus hide at a corner.... n find their sweet dreams. i really wish i can be a cat, in fact i oredi turning into one, i realised this in one morning, when i was petting my cats on bed, i purred together with them. cat's influences, scary.

goro at the staircase

light on my bedside table

when i lost the man who used to take care of all the electric appliances at home, i simply donno wat to do when d lamp on the bedside table was not working. i sleep with this light on, everynight. and i read my comics under this light. i was sleeping in darkness for months.

i thought of trashing it cos i donno wat to do since i don even know wat's wrong with it. then i remember he used to change the plug of few lamps at home n the lights wud come back, so i took it to the nearest electrical shop, asked the auntie to change for me. for rm4.50 each plug, she gave me a stare, an unpleasant one when i asked for this little service. but it worths it. now i hav the light back, and i can read my comics again till i doze off.

it was another sleepless night, i discovered some extra functions in my handphone camera.

one fine day...

these pics was taken some months ago, only now hav time to download the pics from my handphone. it was one evening in the office, a less hectic day, was sitting at the bistro area, and waiting to be dismissed from work.

i hope i can do it again today.

i killed a family

i was shocked n stunned when i saw this family quietly settled at my house. am sorry, i hav no choice but to kill them all. creepy ugly shits.

loneliness

some ppl hav many friends around them, but yet they feel they r not understood. even couples in love for many years, when they feel a distance started to grow between them, it's just feel so apart even they see each other everyday and hav meals at the same table.

mentally lonely is more miserable than physical one...

my 4th skecth

my 4th sketch, that i donno when i can finish...

a not-so-desparate housewife

if my colleagues n friends see me at home, n the way i serve my pets, my snobbish icy cold image wil be shattered into pieces. when i call their names, my voice sounds so sweet even i myself wanna puke.

even being single, but having so many pets, my life is ran pretty much like every housewife's one. cleaning the house, chasing the pets for misbehaving, preparing meals for the (fur)kids, cleaning their shits...etc. oh n don forget to mention bout collecting coupons like every housewife does, so that i can redeem free pet foods, and speaking of pet food, comparing prices in few pet shops before buying is one of the routine as well, jus like every housewife knows which grocery shop sells cheapest toilet rolls.

i see myself as a perfect housewife material, jus minus having a husband part.

flash back 1

i cant believe i wrote this in year 1995, i found this in an old old diary book. i hav goosebump all over my back when reading this, n i blushed... simply becos it sounds so damn mushy! but i don mind to share it here.

there were times in our life tht we jus say wat we feel without second thought, tht's youth. so get ready to laugh!

Recovery ~ '95
when the worst part of the nightmare is realised,
there's nothing much left to be afraid of,
jus like when i realised tht you don love me at all,
it's only tears falling down my face,
and hav a shattered heart, tht's all.

when a beautiful dream is broken into pieces,
there's no point to mend it ,
it's like a mirror falls on the floor,
it's impossible to find every single piece of them,
back to the original place after all.
and no one wants to see a broken face,
which looks unusual anymore.

one day when i climb up to the peak of the mountain,
and look down from above,
i see a further view and everything to me is so small,
at last i find,
losing someone's love,
is no big deal, all in all.

but funny how it seems, it's best to describe how i feel now.

...

judging from my father's illness condition for the past few months, we all have oredi prepare for the worst. he was totally out of shape and all he could do was only lying on the bed and whispering words that hardly understood. we all wish he would get better, or, tho' we never said or discuss it among the family, we wish, if he could not get better, he would pass on peacefully, with no more suffering and pain.

so u can imagine how overjoyed we r, especially my mother who takes care of him 24/7 when we saw him stood up and walked to the living room. we all think it's a miracle.

however the improvement leads to another problem, my father now jus become restless and with his parkinson and alzheimer's disease symtoms, he has hallucination all the time. u can tell he is living in fear by the way he looks at u, the way he looks around the house and every now and then, he'll try to kill the snake (his biggest fear, which are actually a bunch of wires). my mother is more stressful now cos she needs to follow everywhere he goes. everytime i went back to see my father, jus tht few hours serving him oredi make me feel very hectic. and sometimes i feel like there is a bad-me and a good-me standing on both of my shoulders, telling me: "maybe he's better off jus lying on bed..." "be patient, he is jus not himself anymore..." "things r easier when he cant walk..." "cant blame him for pissing in the living room..." it's like a never ending dilemma tearing me apart. i seriously cant imagine wat my mom's been goin thru this few years since he got the disease.

i believe this is the test tht specially created for us. u may find am fucking bad to even think of those negative things for my father, but unless u hav a family member with such neuro disorder disease otherwise u'll never understand how we feel. it's a mentally and physically challenge, and knowing there's no way we wil giv up on him, his every little change changes our life...

the good-me has been telling me tht this is the best opportunity to repay my gratitute to my father for raising me. now am at his position 31 yrs ago, doin things tht he did for me: changing diapers, bathing, feeding, and encourage me to take the first step to walk... and compare to my siblings who stay with my parents, my contribution is nothing. only thinking of these wil put my thru the test and shut the bad-me down.