4 mths, many more to come?

i've been working in the new agency for 4 months oredi, getting to tune in better now. an x-colleague - A joined my team, we were never close in the previous agency, funny thing is we seem getting along well now n finally got a chance to change our perceptions bout each other, i think.

i was a loner in my previous agency. i donno y i jus find it's hard to mix with the ppl in my own dept. things don seem to be wat they appeared, ppl behave not wat they really feel inside. so complicated till you donno who to trust. so i hanged out with those outside the dept. i always thought A was like tht, like this then i was surprised she is actually like this, like tht... A is adapting well, i see her bubbly character finds no problem wherever she goes. in contrast am a more passive person, unless i find the ppl with a similar character like me, i'll need more time to warm up...

so to me it's tiring to deal with ppl. i know it's not clever to let ppl read me like an open book, especially in my position now there'r things i shud keep confidential n show emotionless. am learning, n it's hard. but i hope in order to upkeep the ppl management skill, i can stil keep my honest heart. i hate to be hippocrate. i don believe ppl shud change after being promoted or moving to a higher level in their life, there must be honesty to ourself in us n we must hold to tht in everything we do.

i thought of giving up at times but i convince myself to try once more, n go on. i often condemn myself for not being a quality head but i force myself to learn more, so i can go further. i thought of letting go of all responsibilities n be rebellious once more, but this time even me this rebellious old teenager, learn to grow up.