alcoholic nights

many years ago i hav a nickname - the alcohol queen. it's merely a sarcasm, cos i cant drink at all. the last time i drank, i mean really drink, not jus holding a glass n sip for the whole night, was at the millennium party 1999, after many stops at different bars, we ended at planet hollywood, i was a total mess. i remembered at the end of the party, when the lights were on, i purposely drop the glass on the floor n the bouncers came to us, one of the guy friends said sorry for me then i forgot the rest... when i woke up the next day, i was on the floor in my office toilet, holding the toilet bowl, n the vomitted was all around it. since then i never really drink, n never get drunk again.

until last night, i took a friend's advice - take some alcohol before bedtime for better sleep. i hesitated for quite some time before taking his advice, simply becos i hav forbia of alcohol smell... but i wanna giv it a shot cos i cant be awake forever, not unless am a vampire. i took about 1/4 glass of dom. why dom? i think it's a healthier choice. after tht quantity of alcohol i started to feel dizzy, but not dizzy enough to make me sleep. i was sweating n rolling on the bed, i must admit i was a liiiiitle drunk at tht moment, but i don wanna get drunk, i jus wanna get unconcious till the next morning. so i doubled up the dose, i had another 1/2 glass of it n it hit me instantly! i cud feel my body jus fell on the bed the moment i put down the glass... but it wasnt a soundless sleep. it's jus like another rough sleep when i got drunk many years ago. the head was heavy, the body was weak, n am sure i mumbled a lot the whole night. yes, i mumbled when am drunk. n i was rolling n rolling as if am a pork on a barbecue stove, i think it's d heat from the alcohol...

i woke up with my head cracked. i made a plan to visit my parents day before n i must keep my promise. forcing myself to stand under the cold shower, i ended up sitting at the toilet bowl to finish the bath. my ma asked if i work too hard? why my face look so pale? how cud i possibly tell her i had a hangover from dom? it's embarassing. n i don wan her to know i hav insomnia, she wil giv me tons of herbs n the worst is, she might giv me her 2 special alcohol collections under her bed, which she claims hav magnificient medical effects - i call them the La~Mice & La~Snake which r made possibly before my grandma was born.

i reached home in the evening, i drown myself into d bed n head stil cracking. now i am feeling better after the shower n writing a blog entry here. i guess i'll try it again tonight, mayb i jus need some time to adapt the alcohol effect? if tonight's attempt fails again, i better stick firm to the sleeping pills.

written on 2/7/06 00:32